The Insecurity of Being a Woman
Over 50% single women feel unsafe in the city they live in.
71% single women feel they can’t wear what they’d like to.
85% married women do not feel safe about going out unescorted after 10 pm
That was from the latest India Today, reflecting the insecurities of the urban female population. It brought back many unpleasant memories of incidents that are best forgotten. Though now I live in my own little cocoon, believing perhaps unwisely that these things will not probably happen any more to me, deep down, the little core of fear still survives.
It was during the initial euphoria of my job. The heady feeling that I was at last spreading out my wings in a brave new world, all of my own, had still not worn off. Every assignment was accepted with great gusto and zeal, eager to perform, hungry to achieve. So, when I was told that I needed to fly to Vadodara to get an important sign-off from the customer, I was ecstatic. The industry was still in its dledgling stages, and such assignments were a bit unusual. Here was proof that I was deemed responsible enough to handle such an important interaction.
I packed my bags amidst several reminders and cautions from my parents, and set off. The flight to Bombay was without incident and there, I managed to spend a few hours with my sister also. At the Bombay office however, there appeared to be some mix-up, and they gave me vouchers for a different hotel than the one I was supposed to stay at, with the marketing manager. Glad just to have a place to stay, I accepted their explanations and proceeded to Vadodara.
I took a taxi from the airport to the hotel, and checked in without much ado. I called my parents and my sister to let them know I’d reached safely. After dinner, I took out my documents, and began rehearsing my presentation. It was important that everything went off smoothly. I’d been told that this customer was very sharp, and so I tried to be as prepared as possible.
Around 10.30pm, I stowed away everything neatly in my bag, watched TV for a bit, and then settled down to a good night’s rest.
That’s when the nightmare started.
I got a call on the phone. Since I had left a message at the other hotel for the marketing manager, I assumed it would be him. When I picked it up, and said hello, there was just heavy breathing on the other side. I banged the phone down. After a few minutes, it rang again. I picked it up this time and remained quiet. The voice at the other end began mouthing all sorts of obscenities. I promptly put the phone down. A few minutes later, it rang again. The same thing.
My initial reaction was to scream back into the phone, but I controlled myself. Be calm, I told myself, just think of the worst case scenario, and see what you can do. I decided the best thing to do was to ignore the calls, just lock my room up, and go to sleep. I switched on the light, and went to the door to check the lock. Horror of horrors! I realized that the door had no other inner bolt – the only lock was the one which could be opened with the key. This was not a safe room! I looked around, and none of the furniture items were heavy enough to be dragged and placed against the door for safety. Panic levels began to rise steadily.
I went back and sat on my bed. The jangling of the phone made me jump out of my skin. It rang and rang, till I nearly screamed. Be calm, I told myself. There’s nothing that can’t be resolved with a bit of thinking. Obviously, it was someone from within the hotel who was calling me. How would anyone else know that I was a lone female? Perhaps I could call the hotel manager? But what if the manager himself turned out to be a slimeball?
It is hard to describe the kind of thoughts that burst into your head at these moments. It’s sickening to realize that to some people you’re just a piece of female flesh – to use and abuse. It doesn’t matter what else you are. The thing is, you’ve always believed that you are much more than that. When the other viewpoint is thrust rudely in your face, you balk for a second. You cannot believe it, but there it is, staring you in the face. The worst thing is that you cannot argue with it, you cannot persuade it to believe otherwise. Instead, you have to “defend” yourself against it, for just being yourself!
I finally made up my mind that I would call up my marketing manager at the other hotel. I did, and he came across, picked me up, gave the hotel reception staff a piece of his mind, and arranged for a room at the hotel where he was staying.
I stayed awake for a long time that night. My bubble had been burst. I had come to this place feeling so confident, feeling like an achiever, but now I felt somehow diminished. The overwhelming feeling was one of violation.
If such a small incident could result in such a sense of violation, I can’t even begin to imagine what deep scars other sorts of abuses on women leave. Women have always felt unsafe in India, as far back as I can remember. The stories get more and more unpleasant. Policemen abuse their rights in broad daylight. Even girls as young as 8 or 9 years old are not left untouched. The capital of India is the also the capital of crime against women.
Will this ever change for the better? I guess that’s purely a rhetorical question. :(
71% single women feel they can’t wear what they’d like to.
85% married women do not feel safe about going out unescorted after 10 pm
That was from the latest India Today, reflecting the insecurities of the urban female population. It brought back many unpleasant memories of incidents that are best forgotten. Though now I live in my own little cocoon, believing perhaps unwisely that these things will not probably happen any more to me, deep down, the little core of fear still survives.
It was during the initial euphoria of my job. The heady feeling that I was at last spreading out my wings in a brave new world, all of my own, had still not worn off. Every assignment was accepted with great gusto and zeal, eager to perform, hungry to achieve. So, when I was told that I needed to fly to Vadodara to get an important sign-off from the customer, I was ecstatic. The industry was still in its dledgling stages, and such assignments were a bit unusual. Here was proof that I was deemed responsible enough to handle such an important interaction.
I packed my bags amidst several reminders and cautions from my parents, and set off. The flight to Bombay was without incident and there, I managed to spend a few hours with my sister also. At the Bombay office however, there appeared to be some mix-up, and they gave me vouchers for a different hotel than the one I was supposed to stay at, with the marketing manager. Glad just to have a place to stay, I accepted their explanations and proceeded to Vadodara.
I took a taxi from the airport to the hotel, and checked in without much ado. I called my parents and my sister to let them know I’d reached safely. After dinner, I took out my documents, and began rehearsing my presentation. It was important that everything went off smoothly. I’d been told that this customer was very sharp, and so I tried to be as prepared as possible.
Around 10.30pm, I stowed away everything neatly in my bag, watched TV for a bit, and then settled down to a good night’s rest.
That’s when the nightmare started.
I got a call on the phone. Since I had left a message at the other hotel for the marketing manager, I assumed it would be him. When I picked it up, and said hello, there was just heavy breathing on the other side. I banged the phone down. After a few minutes, it rang again. I picked it up this time and remained quiet. The voice at the other end began mouthing all sorts of obscenities. I promptly put the phone down. A few minutes later, it rang again. The same thing.
My initial reaction was to scream back into the phone, but I controlled myself. Be calm, I told myself, just think of the worst case scenario, and see what you can do. I decided the best thing to do was to ignore the calls, just lock my room up, and go to sleep. I switched on the light, and went to the door to check the lock. Horror of horrors! I realized that the door had no other inner bolt – the only lock was the one which could be opened with the key. This was not a safe room! I looked around, and none of the furniture items were heavy enough to be dragged and placed against the door for safety. Panic levels began to rise steadily.
I went back and sat on my bed. The jangling of the phone made me jump out of my skin. It rang and rang, till I nearly screamed. Be calm, I told myself. There’s nothing that can’t be resolved with a bit of thinking. Obviously, it was someone from within the hotel who was calling me. How would anyone else know that I was a lone female? Perhaps I could call the hotel manager? But what if the manager himself turned out to be a slimeball?
It is hard to describe the kind of thoughts that burst into your head at these moments. It’s sickening to realize that to some people you’re just a piece of female flesh – to use and abuse. It doesn’t matter what else you are. The thing is, you’ve always believed that you are much more than that. When the other viewpoint is thrust rudely in your face, you balk for a second. You cannot believe it, but there it is, staring you in the face. The worst thing is that you cannot argue with it, you cannot persuade it to believe otherwise. Instead, you have to “defend” yourself against it, for just being yourself!
I finally made up my mind that I would call up my marketing manager at the other hotel. I did, and he came across, picked me up, gave the hotel reception staff a piece of his mind, and arranged for a room at the hotel where he was staying.
I stayed awake for a long time that night. My bubble had been burst. I had come to this place feeling so confident, feeling like an achiever, but now I felt somehow diminished. The overwhelming feeling was one of violation.
If such a small incident could result in such a sense of violation, I can’t even begin to imagine what deep scars other sorts of abuses on women leave. Women have always felt unsafe in India, as far back as I can remember. The stories get more and more unpleasant. Policemen abuse their rights in broad daylight. Even girls as young as 8 or 9 years old are not left untouched. The capital of India is the also the capital of crime against women.
Will this ever change for the better? I guess that’s purely a rhetorical question. :(
posted by thoughtraker at 6:31 AM
7 Comments:
Darn.. Ano :(
P.S. : How did Ur presentation/sign off go ?? bet this incident must have shook u up totally to be able to think/work clearly..
Gosh! This is why I don't like traveling alone in India - esp if it involves stay in a hotel. In this day and age, it shouldn't be a problem - with SO many women in the workplace. But it still is.
On a related note, it is also harder to find an apt to rent in India if one is a single woman. The "woman staying alone = available" thinking is sick.
Priya.
Hi Ano,
Nice post,
I have felt these kinda things too when I used to stay in hotels when I went for interviews in the US. Later I kinda got used to it. But I am sure it is much different in India, than here.
I used to always call my dear hubby whenever I had such paranoia and he used to set it right for me.
this was scary and depressing...:-(
i don't know what to say...
ano
too depressing !
But unfortunately, yeah .. thats a rhetorical question .. at least for the time being !
ano, i always thought that women travellers are safer in better hotels, looks like that is not the case. i am sure things will change but sadly, as things stands, one cannot say in which direction.
IW, presentation/sign-off didn't suffer - i got everything and more done :) but after i came back, i just crashed - i was sooo tired!
priya, i agree. i think that's why one of the miss indias (or something) had said she was married, right?
SK, US is a million times safer i think. i've travelled alone there and haven't had any bad experiences.
buck/cheti, yup pretty depressing. that's one of the reasons i hate reading india today - it always manages to pull me down :(
imp, even i thought so. hopefully things are better now. i hear that some star hotels are going with a Ladies' only wing to avoid such problems. wonder if that will help.
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